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Wednesday, July 22, 2015

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE...SHARKNADO RETURNS!

  • a pro surfer in South Africa, beating the beast off with bear hands, surviving unscathed, and
  • beachgoers in North Carolina.
But these incidents are real sharks.

The newsworthy item is that Sharknado #3 (with subtitle, Oh Hell No!), emanates from your TV screen today.  The Science Fiction Channel premieres this latest version, with #1 and #2 immediately preceding.  Actually, the triple-bill begins with a whole series of shark films:  Dinoshark (8AM Hawaii Time), Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (10AM) and Malibu Shark Attack (12 Noon), all equally terrible films.

But the beauty of the Sharknado series is that the films are so bad that they are worth watching.  For #3 you can anticipate enhanced computer graphics, a more outrageous plot, surprising cameos and other insults to your intelligence.  You originally couldn't see these productions in your movie theaters, for they have higher standards.  The Syfy channel had exclusive rights.  However, Regal Cinemas came in on the action with sold out special events, followed by midnight shows.

The whole artistic fiasco began in 2013 with Sharknado:  Enough Said!  It was a hoot in Los Angeles.  The first showing drew only 1.5 million viewers, a below average outing.  However, Twitter lit up interest, and a week later, 1.9 million, with a third airing more than week following drawing 2.1 million.  Then the National Weather Service got into the act by jokingly referring to these shark attacks from tornadoes, with even the Red Cross using the concept to pass on safety information.

Rotten Tomatoes reviewers gave Sharknado, the original, an 82 rating, although audiences only said 34%.  Don't confuse this film with another 2013 movie, Enough Said with James Gandolfini, which gained a 96% RT reviewers rating.

Last year Sharknado 2 (The Second One) only earned an RT reviewer score of 59, this time featuring New York, with essentially the same actors, at least the ones who lived through #1.  This one also included Judd Hirsch, Kelly Osbourne, Robert Hays, Billy Ray Cyrus, Perez Hilton, Kelly Ripa, Michael Strahan, Al Roker and Matt Lauer.  I loved it.  Well, that's an exaggeration, but it was a worthy experience.  And, in case you missed the point, Sharknado is a combination of shark and tornado.  The weapon of choice to combat these demons of sea was the chain saw.
Sharknado 3 (Oh Hell No!) surprises, with a Rotten Tomatoes reviewers rating of only 47%, but most importantly, an audience score of 86%! The setting begins in D.C., but escalates to the entire Eastern Seaboard.

This time we also have Mark Cuban (yes, that Mark Cuban, as President of the USA), Ann Coulter (yes, that idiot conservative, as VP of the USA), David Hasselhoff, Jerry Springer, Anthony Weiner (yes, that former Congressman who showed his..), Kathy Lee Gifford, Robert Klein, Rick Fox (yes, that former NBA player), Penn/Teller, Lou Ferrigno, Matt Lauer, Al Roker and Bo Derek (10, right).  The theme song is by Jedward.  Who?  Twins from Ireland who you saw six years ago on The X Factor.

This is not all, for there will be a Sharknado #4, and, gasp, David Hasselhoff will join Jedward in providing a song.  But, if you're not spooked by sharks, what about spiders?  This Saturday, Syfy premieres Lavalantula, which has a link to Sharknado 3, but this time Santa Monica gets overrun by giant tarantulas.  Starring is the 1984 Police Academy team of Steve Guttenberg, Leslie Easterbrook and Michael Winslow.


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Typhoon Halola is confusing scientists, as it is now up to 85 MPH and will strengthen into a Category 2.  The surprise, however, is that the latest projection shows the eye moving to the west side of Kyushu, perhaps making landfall at Nagasaki on Sunday, but who knows for sure:


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