Yesterday was about my good 2022 year. Today, a summary of Dave Barry's humorous view of the world in 2022, who began with 2022 could have been worse...we could have had nuclear Armageddon. Before I continue, I'll first segue into what to do today. Save money, time and agony....watch television:
- Certainly, all those fireworks the world over, as in Sydney, which already is into 2023:
- Taiwan's Taipei 101 building and Bangkok:
- Hong Kong and Mumbai:
Here is a video.- Of course, there will be our USA, but where? One list of the 10 best 2023 New Year's Eve TV specials. CNN with Anderson Cooper, of course. He began doing this 20 years ago. Loved it when his partner was Kathy Griffin. She began in 2007 with dirty jokes and cursing, but had to go when in 2017 she posed with a fake severed head of then-President Donald Trump.
Then, of course, the NCAA football semifinals are on today: #2 Michigan vs #3 TCU, Fiesta Bowl, 4PM ET, and #1 Georgia vs #4 Ohio State, Peach Bowl, 8PM ET...both on ESPN. The championship game, also on ESPN, will be played at 7:30PM ET on Monday, January 9.
2023: Los Angeles (Los Angeles Stadium at Hollywood Park, Inglewood, California) - Jan. 9
2024: Houston (NRG Stadium, Houston, Texas) - Jan. 8
2025: Atlanta (Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, GA) - Jan. 6
2026: Miami (Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida) - Jan. 5
2024: Houston (NRG Stadium, Houston, Texas) - Jan. 8
2025: Atlanta (Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, GA) - Jan. 6
2026: Miami (Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida) - Jan. 5
So on to Barry, you can of course read those two articles, or my selected summary below.
- Do you play Wordle?
- For the 13th consecutive year, the New York Yankees failed to get into the World Series.
- 2022 was bad.
- Democracy died at least three times.
- The national debt, for the first time, crept above $30 billion, which is more that the entire U.S. economy is worth. Fortunately, there is nothing to worry about.
- Makes fun of finding the champions of the "professional" college football season. He lists all the names as that bowl game, but the truth is that the game has no sponsors, and is called the College Football Playoff National Championship. This coming year, on January 9 at the SoFi Stadium in Inglewood, California. Alabama won't participate this year for sure.
- Ottawa had massive truck protests. Big deal, this is every day in New York City,
- Ukraine is a foreign nation that, through poor planning, is located right next to Russia. This is unfortunate because Russian President Vladimir Putin, a man who relaxes by putting kittens into a food processor, has long wanted to establish closer ties with Ukraine, in the same sense that a grizzly bear wants to establish closer ties with a salmon. On February 24, Russia invaded. Most of the world rallies around the underdog Ukrainians and their charismatic president, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, a former comedian and actor who is basically the opposite of Putin. (Although to be fair, if Putin did comedy, he would kill.) And, incidentally, you can spell Volodymyr's name with one or two y letters.
- On the medical front, many states and municipalities drop their mask mandates as elected officials become aware of new scientific data showing that there is a strong statistical correlation between enforcing mask mandates and not getting re-elected.
- Will Smith slaps Chris Rock during the Oscars and is arrested for assault. No, that’s what would happen to a noncelebrity such as yourself. Will Smith, on the other hand, sits back down and shortly thereafter receives an Oscar and a standing ovation.
- In economic news, inflation continues to strain the economy despite intensive efforts by the Biden administration to explain that it is caused by Vladimir Putin, corporate greed, COVID, supply-chain issues, global climate change, the filibuster rule, the murder hornets and various other factors totally unrelated to any policies of the Biden administration.
In entertainment news, the venerable Rolling Stones announce that they will hit the road this summer for their “Drool on the Microphone” tour. For the record, there were 14 concerts, all in Europe. Can you believe they began in 1962? I just graduated from college.- Major League Baseball lockout ends as owners and players approve a collective bargaining agreement, with some rules changes intended to make their product more attractive to modern fans, including starting games in the seventh inning, referring to runs as “touchdowns,” and at some random point in every game releasing a large venomous snake in the infield.
- Elon Musk says he wants to buy Twitter for $44 billion. Meanwhile, for a few exciting hours, a trending topic on political Twitter, which we swear we are not making up, is “testicle tanning.” Don’t even ask.
- Florida’s combative Gov. Ron DeSantis, always looking for new things to combat, takes on an insidious threat to Florida’s families and the American way of life: Disney.
- Americans learn that there is a new medical danger for them to be nervous about: “monkeypox,” which gets its name from the fact that it is the disease that killed Tarzan. For the record, perhaps 20 Americans died from Monkeypox this year.
- The war in Ukraine continues but receives less and less coverage in the United States as Americans turn their attention to the historic Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard defamation trial.
- The nation is shocked when an 18-year-old with a disturbing social-media history uses a semiautomatic rifle he obtained legally to commit a horrific mass murder. Ten days later, the nation is again shocked when another 18-year-old with a disturbing social-media history uses a semiautomatic rifle he obtained legally to commit a horrific mass murder.
- Johnny Depp wins his historic defamation lawsuit, with the jury ordering Amber Heard to repay the 783 billion person-hours the American public wasted watching the trial. The verdict unleashes a wave of thoughtful media think pieces the likes of which the nation has not seen since Will Smith slapped Chris Rock.
The House Select Committee To Investigate The Living Hell Out Of January 6 hears testimony, much of it from former members of the Trump administration, that leaves objective observers with only two possible interpretations of Donald Trump’s actions on that day:
One: Trump is a pathological narcissist who, in his delusional effort to cling to power, ignored the sane adults on his staff and listened instead to Rudy Giuliani — which is like getting legal counsel from a Magic 8 Ball — and in the end showed an utter disregard for the sanctity of his office, the rule of law, the welfare of the nation and the physical safety of thousands of people.Two: There is no Two.
- There was a horrendous mass-shooting on July 4 by a young man with an extremely disturbing social-media history who was still able to legally purchase a semiautomatic rifle: As you can imagine, everyone is shocked.
- Why President Joe Biden fist-bumped assassinator Saudi crown prince Mohammed bin Salman: White House press office thought he was another Mohammed bin Salman.
- UK Prime Minister announced his retirement: So he can spend more time on his hair.
- Elon Musk announced he no longer wants to purchase Twitter and will instead use the $44 billion to buy two Springsteen tickets.
- The House January 6 Committee announces plans for January 6: the Musical.
- FBI agents search Mar-a-Lago and find that Trump misappropriated packets of White House ketchup.
- Congress passes the Inflation Reduction Act because it says so in the title.
- President Biden announces a program to forgive college student loans, plus, for those who failed chemistry, a bump up to a B plus.
- Nancy Pelosi swims across the Taiwan Strait and single-handedly destroys a Chinese naval base...or at least something close to that for China to almost start World War III. God only knows what would have happened had we instead sent, say, Cher.
- California, always in the forefront, decrees that by the year 2035 it will be illegal for any vehicle on the state's highways to have wheels.
- White House blasts Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (after he sent two charter planes with immigrants to Martha's Vineyard) for undermining the administration's program for dealing with the humanitarian crisis at the border, which is to pretend that there is no humanitarian crisis at the border.
- Queen Elizabeth II passes away, who reigned over the demise of the Great Britain global empire, now down to a tourist destination roughly the size of a pickle ball court.
- NASA sends a $300 million spacecraft into an asteroid 7 million miles away, nudging it into a collision course with Planet Earth, and immediately made a semi-urgent request for another $300 million.
- Elon Musk decided to buy Twitter after all because the best seats he could get to a Springsteen concert for $44 billion was way up in the balcony.
- Chinese President Xi Jinping wins an unprecedented third term to the Communist Party Congress, for after considering all their options, elect to not die.
- On November 5 the Red Wave turns out to be a pink squirt. Donald Trump blamed Ron DeSantis.
- Cryptocurrency giant FTX implodes, underscoring the wisdom of not trusting your money to a company with a meaningless name and an incomprehensible business model, headed by the fourth runner-up in a John Belushi lookalike contest.
- The World Cup gets under way in Qatar with no soccer tradition, except for one: pay off very large bribes.
- Ticketmaster screws up Taylor Swift's concert tour by selling all tickets to Bruce Springsteen.
- NASA sent Artemis 1 on a 25.5 day journey past the Moon, which forgot to board the crew, so had to return.
- The new Congress will spend the next two years probing the other like some kind of deranged proctologist.
- Happy New (GLUB).
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