No, this is not another episode from one of my books. To be brutally frank, my wife of nearly 47 years has been very seriously ill now for a month in intensive care. Someday, perhaps, I might say more, for all this has come at a time when I have been serializing my book 2 chapter on eternal life, plus, the nation is attempting to pass a health reform plan. Just the hospital cost (not including doctors, etc.) for the first month was greater than $200,000, so there are financial implications also involved, although medical plans should pick up most of this, for now.
But the fact of the matter is that I’ve kind of lived a charmed life and found that I did not know how to cope with this type of stress. What woke me up was that I’ve been trying to lose 5 pounds for 6 years now, and failed. I weighed myself a couple of days ago and found I had lost 9 pounds during this period.
My Chapter 2 of SIMPLE SOLUTIONS for Humanity indicated that anyone who undergoes constant stress, has difficulty sleeping and has a poor appetite will get sick. Clearly, there is nothing I can do about my wife’s medical problem, but after a discussion with her doctors, I finally realized that I had to also survive, and help the general support structure also, especially her sister and mother, who visit her every day.
Just recognizing the problem has almost magically turned things around, for last night I actually slept for seven straight hours. Previously, a max of three hours, and nothing much else after that. The knot in my stomach has begun to unwind and I yesterday I just decided to walk on at the Ala Wai Golf Course to play for the first time in a while. I have a lunch and a dinner scheduled, and talking to friends and strangers will be part of the solution, something I avoided doing during this period.
About golf, I was in a group with Joe Phengsavath. He was born in Thailand, but now lives in Hawaii and Arizona. You would think that his driving a hundred yards beyond my best and regularly getting birdies would further depress me. Actually, I’ve almost never played better and got something he could not, an eagle, on the 4th hole. Of course, on the 6th, he used a three iron to keep his drive just short of the green, and got another birdie. Joe is, of course, a professional golfer, and amazingly enough, holds the record for the lowest score at Ala Wai, a 58.
He was upbeat and will return to the professional tour in the Orient. He also indicated that he is from a family of 13 children, and is #12. His only younger brother was his caddy, who just very recently and suddenly passed away. His mother also died this year. While I might have had thoughts of depression, despair and a dozen other “D” words, Joe mostly looks to the future and went surfing every day this month. There is a lesson here. For one, Pearl’s conditions at least remains hopeful.
Anyway, no one seems to comment in this blog site. Maybe for this one time, readers will try to help me survive.
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The Dow Jones Industrial jerked up 96 to 8712, and world markets all also increased. Crude oil is in the range of $62/barrel and gold dropped $2/toz to $937.
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East and South of Hawaii, Carlos is now a remnant at 30 MPH and Dolores is a depression at less than 40 MPH, but destined to hit cooler waters and diminish. Whew.
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12 comments:
Pat, I recently happened to come across the following, written by Nathan Kollar (whom I had never heard of):
"Suffering breaks our world. Like a tree struck by lightning--splintered, shaken, denuded--our world is broken by suffering, and we will never be the same again. What will become of us is a mystery."
I would say that I can imagine how hard this last month has been, but of course I really can't imagine. My thoughts are with you both. Madeleine
Thanks for your thought, Madeleine.
Pat, so many of us are only one piece of life-changing news from the experience you and family are going through. We only seem to realize that when it happens to us or someone close. And merely coping takes all the energy that we have and more. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. Both of you are very special to us here in Louisiana. Thank you for sharing what you are going through at this difficult time ... we trust it will aid you in this part of life's journey ... it certainly is held sacred by we who read your words.
Pat, I am sitting here staring at my cursor like someone with writer's block. Words seem inadequate to convey my thoughts after reading and "feeling" your blog today.
I am glad that you have begun to take care of yourself. I think that is a big step in handling "stress like this".
I believe you have the harder part of this disease: watching the one you love so ill. That the doctors' convey hope for Pearl is good news.
Harry and I will keep you both in our hearts and prayers asking God to heal Pearl and continue to fill you with grace.
Love,
Margaret
Dear Margaret and Harry:
Wow, we're up to four comments. That breaks my blog record. I appreciate your thoughts from a couple that had to suffer through Katrina. I can only imagine what you had to face. Aloha.
Hi Pat,
My prayers are with you and Pearl. When we met last time driving to Kaneohe, you told me "Gratitude not Grief." These are three powerful and important words I hope can help to cope in disparate times.
We'll be in touch again soon, Pat.
Guy
Dear Pat,
I am glad Gwen gave me your blog. I am much better at emailing than I am at sending cards or letters.
Please give our aloha, prayers and love to Pearl. She is a wonderful person, always so happy and cheerful. Tell her to keep fighting until she beats this thing.
I am so glad we met at lunch that day you gave each of us a book. Husbands don't usually attend, although Don has gotten used to tagging along and meeting all my friends. Each time it gets easier as he begins to recognize and remember all the people.
I have no great words of wisdom on how to cope with suffering and illness. I have been there and can only say that we do the best we can and must somehow find our way through the despair. Each does it in his unique way. You are a strong person and will find your way. I don't know what your belief system is, but I believe that there is a reason for everything.
Please keep updating your blog so we will find out what is happening.
All our love and prayers,
Diane and Don McKinnon
Dear Guy, yes, we will survive and still try to save Planet Earth and Humanity. Mahalo.
Dear Diane and Don, thanks for your kind words. I guess more than most you can realize how important Pearl has been to my life. There remains hope. Mahalo.
Pat,
My thoughts and prayers to you and your wife. Golf is a good distraction from our problems in life. I use it a lot, and am glad you had a wonderful round with your friend.
Looking forward to our next Golf Safari.
Leroy
Hey Leroy, thanks for your suggestion. Yes, looking forward to the next safari. I'm still lobbying for the Orient.
Mahalo.
Pat
Pat,
We have never met but Pearl and I go way back to elementry school. Pearl was a joy and I know you will miss her so much. Take care and wishing you well.
Ethel Ota Nakamura
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