BALLS

The tables I join for dinner at 15 Craigside usually sit seven people.  We talk, and sometimes, with too much wine and sake, the discussion degenerates.  The other day, for example, we got into testicles, or balls.  In reaction to the flow of the subject I shared two of my stories:

Back in 1991 when I had my first experience with fugu in Kita-Kyushu, I swear I felt a mild, if not significant, effect.  The story I have is that I ate two testicles because my friend from NOAA refused to eat his.  Most of my visionary thoughts then came soon after this exposure, concepts like the Blue Revolution, Rainbow Pearls and Hawaiian Onsens.  But, perhaps, it was a special form of tetrodotoxin created by these testicular bacteria.  Thus, I today shouldn't expect any improvement in my vision, especially if the restaurant only serves cultivated and safe fugu.

In February of 2018 I was asked to give a lecture at Kyushu University.  They paid all expenses, and I additionally requested one fugu dinner.  This from a fish that is not all that large, although just before preparation it was alive, for it doubles in size when threatened.  Below is a photo to show the size of one testicle, with the second one to the left. 

First, I survived.  But no big deal today, for government rules have made fugu deaths rare.  Unfortunately, it has been almost two years, and I have not in this period come up with any great ideas.

But back to the Wednesday night table, we now and then laugh about it, but we knew very little about this organ, so I was asked to post an article to educate them...and me.  I won't go into the anatomy of testicles, for all of you surely must understand their function.  

You would think that Wikipedia would have a table comparing relative sizes from different animals.  They don't, so this took some research.  The average human male weighs 62 kg or 62,000 grams.  The total weight of two average testicles is around 25 grams.  Doing the math, the weight of male testicles/body weight times 100  = 0.1%.  How does this compare with other animals?

     bushcricket (above)       14.0 %

     fruit fly                            10.6 %

     mouse lemur (below)        5.5 %

There seems to be a correlation:  the higher the percentage, the more promiscuous the female.  The female bushcricket mates with up to 23 males in their two-month adult life.  A lot more analysis in that article.  If we had testes at the bushcricket level, those would weigh around ten pounds each.  As it is, even so small, our balls make 200,000 sperms/minute.  This is where life begins.  In any case, by simple logic, human females must not be particularly promiscuous.

The largest by weight are those of the right whale:  525 kg or 1157 pounds/testicle.   Calculates to around 2%.   The penis is 12 feet long.  Right whale females are considered to be promiscuous.

Know why they are called right whales?  Because whalers thought they were the right ones to hunt:  close to shore, floated when killed and had good oil content.  They almost went extinct, and the North American version still is in some danger.

A few more thoughts about balls:

• One of the funniest scenes on film is Hugh Jackman in Movie 43, with a shocked Kate Winslet.  There is a reason Rotten Tomatoes reviewers gave it a 5 rating.  Click on that and be amazed about the number of superstars in the cast.

• Why do only mammals have external testicles? We are the furthest along on the evolutionary path, yet expose them to danger.  One explanation is that sperm production is best a few degrees cooler than normal body temperature.

• You've been to aquaria and zoos, but have you noticed that rhinos have internal testes?  An elephant too because it evolved from an aquatic animal.  So do hedgehogs.  And, of course, whales.
• Paleontologists don't know if dinosaurs had external or internal gonads, but they became birds, and none of them today have anything showing.
• The velvet monkey has blue balls.

Good a way as any to end this marginal posting.

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The Dow Jones Industrials reached another all-time high at 28,455.

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