I went to see Border this weekend. It is a bizarre love story. It ranked #32 of films seen this weekend, with another Spider-Man production at #1. It is comic-based, and animated to boot, so I don't go to those movies. However this one was rated 97%/95% by Rotten Tomatoes, so maybe I should. Border also got a 97% reviewers rating by Rotten Tomatoes. But audiences only gave it 77%. Why?
That's an easy guess. Border is a Swedish film with subtitles, weird, unpredictable, and R-rated, deservingly so. It won the Un Certain Regard award at the 2018 Cannes Film Festival and is the Swedish entry for the Best Foreign Language Film at the upcoming Academy Award ceremony.
I place Border on the same level as 2013 Movie 43, which featured Hugh Jackman, Gerard Butler, Dennis Quaid, Halle Berry, Richard Gere, Liev Schreiber, Uma Thurman, Gregg Kinnear, Seth MacFarlane, Naomi Watts, Kate Winslett and 3 noted NBA stars. However, Movie 43 got 4% and 24% ratings from Rotten Tomatoes. Let me provide a few quotes from RT:
- It is utterly disgusting throughout.
- As a film critic, I've seen nearly 4,000 movies over the last 15 years. Right now, I can't think of one worse than Movie 43.
- There is not a single redeeming quality to this absurdly inane film.
Mind you, those remarks came in review of Movie 43. Why do I equate Border with what must be the most panned film of all-time? Well, let me unfold the plot and hopefully don't give everything away, although I might:
- Tina works for the Swedish border agency, and has the ability to sniff out the guilty checking into the country. If took me a few minutes to identify what I thought was a rather odd-looking actress. She looks like a neanderthal.
- A traveler, Vore, comes through, also looking neandertalish, a swarthy male. She thinks something is not right with him, so a male officer checks him out in a closed room. He is female. Otherwise, nothing illegal. But loves to eat maggots and worms.
- I'm leaving a lot out, like Tina was adopted from a mental asylum couple being kept there because they were "inhuman." But Tina and Vore eventually have sex. How? Tina is a hermaphrodite.
- Turns out that they might be from similar and peculiar origins. They are not normal. This abnormality provides Tina the skill to smell out wrongdoing. It's possible they are non-Homo sapien, but certainly not Neanderthal. Vore tells Tina they are trolls.
- Mind you, the actors (Eero Milonoff and Eva Melander) used prosthetics to reshape their features.
- It gets complex here, but Vore gives birth to something called a Hisiit (linked to Finnish Hisii), and he replaces his troll embryos into real human infants, a changeling, which he supplies to a child pornography ring. Writers picked on every possible sensational option.
- Tina informs the authorities about all that so Vore is arrested on a ferry. However, while handcuffed, he jumps overboard and presumably died.
- But no, for a bit later, Tina receives a packaged box. Inside is large wooden box with breathing holes...a live baby, perhaps hers.
Weird and ghastly, huh? Sequel?
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